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The canonical Nice Guy

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Can you stand one more story of men behaving badly today? I promise to stop after this one, but it’s just so classically awful–a nice guy loses it when he’s turned down for a date.

tried being nice. From the time I wrote a MyTake honoring what I love most about women to when I defended older women from the misogynistic charge that they are worthless. I even wrote a letter to my future daughters, because I loved women and delighted in the fantasy of someday raising women of my own as a father. But now things have changed, and changed badly they have.

To those who have been following my recent escapades at work, this is the update you asked for.

Upon receiving my “Yes” and her phone number, I called the girl in question and tried to plan an official date. Not only did she reject me, which is strange after initially expressing interest and volitionally giving me her phone number of her own choice, but she told all of my coworkers that I stole her number off of Facebook and have been stalking her, and that I am a creeper.

She was a lying cunt, simply put, and has completely jeopardized my status in the workplace.

That’s only the beginning. The rest of the monster article is just JRICHARDS1996 raging about evil women who are nothing but whores and how he prefers a conniving prostitute to those wicked females and how he used to be such a nice guy but never again because women are so bad. And he leaves us with a final threat.

As it is, I will never approach another woman again. That nice guy that was once inside of me is completely dead. Dead, and you killed him. You crucified him. You nailed him to the Cross.

Show of hands–how many women reading this are now grieving at the loss of this Nice Guy from the dating pool?

How many of you think it would be appropriate to scoop something out of the cat box and hand it to him, saying “Here’s a cookie”?

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RedSonja
5 hours ago
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He seems nice.
wreichard
4 hours ago
"As it is, I will never approach another woman again." We can all hope.
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Barely Legal Debate Team

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sleep is dumb

My villains have changed a lot over the years, but they're also kind of exactly the same.

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MaryEllenCG
6 hours ago
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Accurate.
Greater Bostonia
RedSonja
5 hours ago
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How to Talk to a Woman Who is Wearing Headphones

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angrywalter

Dan Bacon is oblivious. He’s written this longish article explaining how to get a woman to stop what she is doing and pay attention to a man, and never once stops to think about what the woman might want. He seems to think that if he’s cute and ingratiating enough, someone will like to be interrupted.

I have a shorter article explaining How to Talk to a Woman Who is Wearing Headphones, and here it is.

Don’t.

That’s all. Have some respect and understand that other people aren’t necessarily all about you, you narcissistic dork.

That article gives a lot of suggestions about how to annoy women under the pretext of trying to have sex with them. Here’s what you’re supposed to do when you see a woman with headphones on.

1. Stand in front of her (with 1 to 1.5 meters between you).

2. Have a relaxed, easy-going smile.

3. Is she hasn’t already looked up at you, simply get her attention with a wave of your hand. Wave your hand in her direct line of vision so she can’t ignore it.

4. When she looks at you, smile and point to her headphones and say, “Take off your headphones for a minute” and pretend to be taking headphones off your head, so she fully understands.

If she doesn’t understand (most women will), simply gesture that you want to talk to her by briefly pointing back and forth from you to her and say, “I want to talk to you for a minute.”

Jesus. Imagine that you’re out for a walk, listening to music (something I do every day), and some guy comes up to interrupt you with his mime routine. It better be something important to warrant that kind of intrusiveness. But no; Dan Bacon gives you a script for what you’re supposed to say.

You: [Smile in a friendly, confident manner] :) Hey – I know it’s not normal for people to talk to someone with headphones in, but I was walking along and saw you and thought – wow, she’s a cutie, I have to say hi. I’m Dan, what’s your name?

Woman: [Usually flattered by the compliment and impressed by your confidence to approach her like that] Jessica.

You: [Add in some humor] Cool…nice to meet you Jessica. I don’t normally talk to girls with headphones, but your big green headphones were just calling out to me.

Woman: [Most likely laughing, smiling and enjoying the interaction].

You: [Let her know that you have something to do/somewhere to go, so she understands that you’re not going to stand there talking to her for 30 minutes] Anyway, so I’m just out doing a bit of shopping at the moment. I’m on my way to a store up the street. How’s your day going so far?

Then keep the conversation going, get her phone number or transition to her joining you for a coffee or juice. Or, if the vibe between you is great and she seems like she has free time, sit down with her and have a chat for a while before getting her phone number and leaving.

This is a person who has zero empathy for the person he has just selfishly interrupted; he seems to totally lack a theory of mind. But he thinks he is a master of feminine psychology.

There are videos at that link. Don’t watch them unless you want to lose all faith in humanity.

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wreichard
10 hours ago
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Narcissism plumbing new depths. Get over it, guys...not everyone in the world wants to talk to you. You're lucky if one person wants to talk to you.
Earth
duerig
9 hours ago
It seems more tied to the roots of our romance culture than any particular narcissism. Men are told that if they don't hit on uninterested women that they will be forever alone. And once you have started investing in an encounter, giving up is an admission of failure and humiliation. Add these together and you have (a) an enabling framework for predators and narcissists, (b) a framework that pushes less narcissistic men to act as if they were narcissists, and (c) a feedback loop of bad behavior, rejection, and then seeking out new 'tricks' that will avoid rejection the next time. The hard question is how to change our romance culture. I feel lucky in that I'm married, so I don't have to worry about either side of this broken culture personally any more.
wreichard
9 hours ago
I agree that they're definitely part and parcel. The "romance" as a trope is seen as a quest. Tilting at windmills is seen as part of the "game." There's definitely a long tradition in our culture of men not giving up even when it's obviously the decent, moral thing to do. I'm not too hung up on the terms...just that these guys start realizing the people they're beseeching are real human beings and not fantasies.
wreichard
9 hours ago
The other part of it is this idea that we're all going to be "stars." Everyone's going to be an absolute wizard. I'd like to see people focus on the holistic set of relationships in their lives and give up on these Gigli dreamworlds where everyone gets top billing.
wreichard
9 hours ago
Do people make the culture, or does the culture make the people? The answer, of course, is both.
duerig
9 hours ago
Our media doesn't really help here. Nearly every movie (whether a romance or not) tends to involve some kind of romantic subplot where a guy is interested in a girl who rebuffs him only to accept him once he has handed her enough 'manliness tokens' to prove he is worthy of love. The idea that somebody's interest in you might be orthogonal to whether you save the world (or whatever) is completely lost. And so 'she is interested' becomes something to achieve rather than the reality which is that it is typically there or not right away and you can rarely move the dial much on it no matter how charming, heroic, etc. you are.
RedSonja
11 hours ago
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Learn Your Birthfish

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Western culture is full of quirky superstitions and traditions. Many of them are leftover bits of former religious practice, retained long after the traditions and beliefs that gave them meaning fell away, while others are more recent inventions designed to convince people to spend money or part of quasi-religious traditions still gaining ground. I have […]
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RedSonja
11 hours ago
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I'm a herring! So sea lions find me delicious. Hm.
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Gregorian chant and the Acoustics of Churches

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A few years ago my parents took my sister and me to Poland to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. We flew first to Austria where we spent a few days exploring Vienna. It was an interesting trip for me, being the first time travelling to a country where I didn’t have at least a very […]
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RedSonja
11 hours ago
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All of the bits about singing. All of them.
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The Conspirators of Abraham Lincoln's Assassination, 1865

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After the great success of the Lewis Powell portrait, I decided to colorize all conspirators of Abraham Lincoln's assassination. Mary Surratt and Samuel Mudd are not included here because I could not find photos with the minimum quality requirements.

The assassination of Abraham Lincoln involves a gang of Confederate operatives and sympathizers that first plotted to kidnap the President and, when that failed, decided to murder not only him, but the Vice President and Secretary of State as well. Their goal was to decapitate and destabilize the federal government in hopes of forcing a settlement to the war that would avoid the South's total defeat. In the end, they managed to kill Lincoln and seriously injure Secretary of State William Seward.

John Wilkes Booth

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A member of a famous acting family, and a fierce partisan of the Confederacy, Booth was the subject of a 12-day manhunt through Maryland and Virginia after he shot Lincoln at Ford’s Theatre. Union cavalry pursued him to the Garrett farm, burned down the barn to flush Booth out, then, as he rushed out, killed him with a bullet to the neck.

David Herold

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An impressionable and dull-witted pharmacy clerk, Herold led Booth on the escape route into Virginia. He surrendered at the Garrett farm, was tried and convicted, and was executed by hanging in July 1865.

George Atzerodt

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German-born Azterodt was a carriage painter and boatman who had secretly ferried Confederate spies across Southern Maryland waterways during the war. Recruited by Booth into the conspiracy, he was assigned to kill Vice President Andrew Johnson, but lost his nerve and stayed in a hotel bar, drinking, instead. Azterodt was executed by hanging in July 1865.

Lewis Powell

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Powell was a former Confederate prisoner of war. Tall and strong, he was recruited to provide the muscle for the kidnapping plot. When that plan failed, Booth assigned Powell to kill Secretary of State William Seward. He entered the Seward home and severely injured Seward, Seward’s son, and a bodyguard. Powell was tried and convicted, and was executed by hanging in July 1865.

Michael O'Laughlen

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Booth’s childhood friend was an ex-Confederate soldier. After he turned himself in to the authorities, he was tried as a conspirator, though his role remained unclear. O’Laughlen was sentenced to life in prison and sent to Fort Jefferson, off of Key West, Florida, where he died of yellow fever in 1867.

Samuel Arnold

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Another long-time friend of Booth, Arnold was not in Washington at the time of the assassination. However, investigators tied Arnold to Booth’s original kidnapping plot. Sentenced to life in prison, Arnold was pardoned by President Andrew Johnson, and survived until 1906, when he died of tuberculosis.

Edman Spangler

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A stagehand and carpenter at Ford’s Theatre who was also known as Edward, Edmund, and Ned, Spangler knew Booth well and assisted him on April 14 at the theater. He was not connected to the kidnapping plan, but he was found guilty and sentenced to six years in prison. Pardoned by President Andrew Johnson in 1869, Spangler moved to Maryland, where he remained until his death in 1875.

John Surratt

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Booth’s most valuable conspirator was a Confederate spy with a college education. Surratt introduced Booth to Herold and Azterodt, and conspired with the others to kidnap the president, but was not in Washington several months later when the assassination was carried out. Surratt fled the U.S. when he heard news of the crime, and lived in Europe as a fugitive for several years until he was apprehended in Egypt in 1866. Tried by a civilian court in 1867-1868, Surratt was not convicted. He would survive until 1916.

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Secretry of State William Seward.jpg
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Captions provided by PBS, original photographs by Library Of Congress.
Special thanks to Dave, Lincoln assassination and Booth family researcher.

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RedSonja
12 hours ago
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Not only are these neat pictures, but now I'm really curious about the clothes they're wearing, especially since there are some real class differences apparent. These are clearly prison photos, they're in shackles, so are these just the clothes they were wearing when they were caught? Were they prison provided clothes?
wreichard
21 hours ago
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Pretty amazing that there are so many photos of this.
Earth
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